i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
