A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize