ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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