He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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