I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
