i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
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I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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