theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
