That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This is the high leading the old right now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
