you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize