Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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