Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
