Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
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I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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