I want to walk on stilts...naked
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
