the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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