Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
