I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
