i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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