Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
