My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
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