i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
