Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
