Ambien. No doubt about it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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