they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
