So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
