babies were throwing up all over the place
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
