i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We have started to decorate penises.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
