forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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