I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
