all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
