she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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