these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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