i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
