Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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