the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize