so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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