We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
