I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
