I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
