It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
