I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
