so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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