Where is the hickey?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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