Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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