Porn is love you can see.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
