you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
