my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
