I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
