all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
