Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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