I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
