so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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