and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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