You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize