You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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