there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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