also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
