that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
